Cookies
by Borderline.Madness
Summary: Edward looked at the bright package of cookies, his mouth watering. he had never liked human food before, but this.. these.. they were so wonderful. EdwardxCookiesxJacob Oneshot Crackfic.


_I only wrote about 1/4 of this, my friend wrote the other part. She doesn't want to be credited, and didn't want to post it herself, but I Thought it was funny and entertaining, therefore, I posted it for her. Enjoy_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not in any way, shape, or form own Twillight, cause if I did, it would look a lot more like this ;D  
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Edward looked at the bright package of cookies, his mouth watering. He had never liked human food before, but this.. these.. they were so wonderful. They smelled so sweet, and he felt attracted to them. He slowly slid off the plastic and picked one up. He stuck his tongue out, licking it ever so carefully, to make sure it didn't break from his vampire strength. Oh how he loved it, he savoured the taste of the chocolate chips.

"Edward, what are you doing?"

Edward slowly looked down at the cookie he firmly held in his hand, and then back at Jacob.

"Would you like one, Jacob? They are quite desirable," Edward inquired, getting up and prodding Jacob with one of the chocolate chip cookies.

Jacob nodded, shoving the whole thing in his mouth, his eyes glazed over as he basked in the lovely feeling of eating such a cookie with Edward by his side.

Edward smiled warmly, his smile forever crooked, although in a cute way, Jacob thought. Jacob snuck a glace at Edward, pulling a whip out from behind him.

Edward moved with great vampire speed, successfully snatching the whip from Jacob. He leaned over to Jacob's ear his cool breath a great contrast with Jacob's, and whispered ever so quietly, "it's my turn this time."

Jacob looked down at the package of cookies. "Only if you bring those with you," he stated with a stoic expression. Edward smiled, causing Jacob to swoon a little from his enchanting dazzle,

"Well of course I'll bring them Jacob, I cannot deny them."

Jacob gave a whoop of excitement and ran to Edward's room, although the head start didn't do much, for Edward had beaten him there anyway.

Twenty Minutes Later~~~

Bella walked up to Edward's room, clearly wanted to spend more time with him. He'd been with Jacob a lot lately and couldn't quite figure out why. As she drew nearer to the room she heard some.. interesting noises coming from inside the room.

She quietly pressed her ear up to the door, gasping as she heard quite a bit of grunting. She had to find out what was going on. She quickly whipped open the door.

"Oh my Carlisle!" she shrieked staring at Edward, Jacob, the whip, and the broken cookies scattered everywhere.

She slowly closed the door, and attempted to forget the sight she saw.

Edward sprung up as he heard Bella shriek. He quickly shoved as many cookies into his unbuttoned pants as he could, making his pants bulge out more than it normally did (boosting his confidence), and ran to the door.

"Where you going?" Jacob slurred at him. Edward shook his head and left one cookie on the bed for him.

Edward waltzed out into the kitchen where Bella had her head down on the counter. The cookies moved with him while he walked, and it just felt so nice.

He reached into his pants. As Edward was removing on delectable cookie from his bottoms, Bella looked up.

"What.. Are you doing?" Bella questioned, staring at the extraordinary bump in Edward's jeans.

"Oh, uhm…" He looked at the delicious desert he held in his hand, and then at his wife. Edward couldn't decide which one he should choose. The vampire touched his tongue to the cookie one last time, and stared at Bella.

She raised an eyebrow and frowned. "Bella, I.. I love cookies. I do not think it would be the least bit fair to you if I continued seeing you while fraternizing with these cookies."

Bella's eyes widened, and she immediately walked out of the kitchen without commenting on Edward's new found obsession.

Soon after Bella had departed, leaving Edward alone with his cookies, Jacob emerged from the bedroom with the whip in one hand, and his cookie in the other. "Are you ready for round 2?"Edward rolled his eyes and followed Jacob into the bedroom.

Before he closed the door, Edward had to clarify one thing with Jacob, "Jacob, I think it would be wrong to lead you on this way if I didn't tell you the truth. I am only letting this continue because of these." He pulled another cookie out of his jeans and held it up in front of their faces, eyes following it. Edward's saliva build up in his mouth and nearly spilled over. Jacob was drooling all over the place.

Jacob nodded, eyes glued to the cookie. "Yeah, right, you too."

Edward shut the door quickly with one crack of the whip.

* * *


End file.
